I had my first go in bath lift and it really made a difference, less leg room and no longer able lie down soaking for an hour but getting out is by far better.
One thing you do realise is how tiring the whole process of getting ready in a morning is, on my own it takes a very long time, getting washed, fighting with the towel, toothpaste tube, socks, pants, t shirts, etc. The other day polly had time to help me from start to finish and the speed of the whole process was so quick, unfortunatly polly has such a demanding job, sometimes here in a morning and others shes out all day, she has so much to manage and as things progress it will become impossible for her to manage full time nightmare job, house duties and sorting me out, so i think outside help will be needed at some point, mainly for getting me sorted in a morning. I am happy for this to go ahead when needed, i certainly dont want to have my mum or dad having to do this! Its one thing they dont need to deal with, id prefer there help with just little things hear and there, they should be looking forward to the more relaxing years not coming getting my arse up every morning lol. We will see anyhow further down the line.

Its the fundraising night tonight which i hope turns out great.

Had a few things done the last few days, bath lift delivered and another hand rail put on stairs which makes some things easier. The bath lift i have yet to try out (having a go in a bit) Still waiting on the riser recliner due to the association being quite low on funds and suggested speaking to OT from local council! i think anything like that from council will mean a means friggin test lol The association have said they will help if all else fails. To be fair it must be difficult to hand out things because they must be asked for help a lot, maybe its a priority thing, there is obviously more worse off folk than me, fingers crossed something gets sorted soon, i do have a fantastic care team visitor ;-)
The photographer came took 2 quick snaps and went! very quick and didnt get my feet on ;-)

Today i went to hospice for asessment and was told about all the relaxation treatments which seem great, i even got a taster massage on my arms and hands. I was told i would get 6 sessions, great stuff, what happens after that? well nothing. Its a bit confusing because i have been told by other PALS that they have been going for years! i dont get it, do you have to pay for further treatments? if they make a big difference i will be gutted to lose them, paying for it would be difficult and no doubt expensive, just like everything bloody else! Anyway my first session is on the 10th so lets see how it goes.

Ive given up with socks, their a bloody nightmare, i struggle for about 10-15 mins trying to get them on. I have never been someone who is comfortable not wearing any because i hate feet! there horrible, i  think i have a phobia of em lol. The whole getting ready in a morning is so tiring. Cutting the nails is also a problem, long nails knocks me sick so being unable to keep them short as poss does my head in.

Got the photographer coming round at 1pm and i look like shit, also got a sodding headache.


Been messing about with the fonts and colours this morning, what do you think? any better? any other improvements i could do?

I am slowly coming round after my sulking spell, i wouldnt say im fireing on all cylinders yet but im getting there. Its been a bit tough the last few days and not really felt upto much, struggling to sleep has been getting me down, fatigue, wobbly legs and other bits n bobs. I think i sort of lose myself now and again and forget whats really happening so when i do start really thinking about the future it upsets me, i cant see me ever coming to terms with the fact i will never be that little old man in his rocking chair! 
Some of the things you take for granted, well more so the little things, become so difficult, holding a pen, using a knife, scratching your friggin arse, the list is massive and growing by the day, with each stumble, fall (had a close call in bath today) drop of a fork, pushing the tablets out of the packet, the frustration builds and builds, how do you deal with all this? to be fair i am still in what most would call "a good position" mmmm yes i guess i am and should be strong, just get on with it! Its tough and only going to get tougher, i need that Kick Up Thee Arse!

This Friday will be the fundraising night which should be good, i do have some worrys about it but i will overcome them, people around me have worked so hard to help, the least i can do is be there. My main fear is being the freak on display, i know people wont think that, well i hope not, but thats what i fear. Some of the raffle prize's are fantastic, the best one being 2 first class tickets to anywhere in country on Virgin Trains, which i will be hoping to win lol. Also had our local newspaper ring me about whats being done after my aunty emailed them, just a few questions and a photo tomorrow afternoon, im going to be famous haha, well in our town. Again there is a sense of being looked upon as a freak but also the thought of people thinking were on the scrounge, which does bother me, but as my mum and dad said, these family members, friends are just trying to do something to help and would do that regardless and not to forget a percentage will be going to help others.


Finally i have been putting a lot of thought into this website, not to get shut but to improve, weebly is very limited unless i pay for pro version and cant get rid of the weebly part of the address unless i pay for that too, i would also like the blog setup to be better, blogger is good in terms of just blogging but i prefer a website with pages and maybe its own email address. If i could get a better oone for a low yearly cost i would, the only one i can find is Mr Sites, which would give me more for a low amount of money, something a bit better may also occupy me more, well when ive got the laptop ;-) Maybe its time for a change, yes i messing! 

PS thanks Janet and Sam for your comments ;-)