Its funny how my emotions and mood change very easy, i start to think what is really happening and end up having a bit of a panic, then sort of get quite down about the whole situation. I start to worry a lot about the future, especially when polly is stressed with work and tells me how she has to do everything. I know there is a massive amount pressure on her shoulders but i cant help but think this is the tip of the iceburg! I still walk although not well, i can feed myself, dress myself (of a fashion) wash myself, do little bits of tidying especially loading dishwasher, there is still quite a lot i can do. What will it be like when i cant do any of them? it scares me to think. I feel im a burden already and dont like to ask for help with things. My mum and dad do lots to help, always seeing if we need anything and loads of times they make or bring food for me/us. I think polly has, like me, lost motivation to make meals. I used to love cooking but with my hands being quite bad i cant do it the same.
Another thing thats i feel is happening is being out and about, starting to get more nervous of going out and being around other people. I still do this but my fear of what people think or people staring at me is increasing, i feel very uncomfortable eating when were out. I will continue to go out when its something i really wish to go to but little trips to supermarket, shops or anything like that i would rather avoid.
All this goes through my mind quite regular and all i want to do is get off this ALS rollercoaster.
Then within no time at all i can feel very positive and have a good laugh, make jokes about whats wrong with me, polly quite often calls me Shaking Stevens or Andy Pipkin when im on me scooter. To be honest though, the worrys and fears seem to be more frequent lately.