Doesn't time fly

I am almost a year on since diagnosis (next thursday) It seems to have gone so fast with lots of changes to me, and things around me. In a way its quite frightening because if you take the 2-5 years expectantcy, at best i have 4 left! oh my god, at least i may see my 40th. Oviously i am determind to get past that. You have these ideas of growing old, becoming a grandad, seeing my daughter grow up, get a job, getting married, etc but a lot i will never see. Its so funny how things can totally change in a short space of time.
Am i scared of dying? Yes
Am i feared of the journey ahead? Yes
Am i feared of being unable to do anything? Yes
Am i gonna give up? No
Am i angry? Not any more, this is the card im dealt so just goto get on with it, being angry is wasting time.

One thing that bothers me more is what Polly, Hollie, Mum, Dad and the rest of family, and close friends will have to go through watching me dying and have to look after me. Polly is going to have it really tough being my main carer and holding down her stressful job to keep the roof over us. This is the difficult part for me!

I often think about when i used to see people paralised and unable to move or do anything for them selves i would rather be dead than have to live like that!
Now i face that in reality, do i feel the same way? NO.